Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
