I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dick has a subreddit
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
