How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
