what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
