i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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