Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
