I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
