I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
