Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
