the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
