I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
