forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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