Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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