Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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