y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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