I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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