when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
