Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
