this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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