i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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