i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The uberlube is also flammable
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
