well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
