I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.