i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.