Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules