i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century