i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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