I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
