Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
