wanna go halves on a baby?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
