1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
