I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
