I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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