her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
