I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
