Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
