never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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