then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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