I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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