I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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