There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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