i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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