Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
