So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
