I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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