he shaved USA in his pubs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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