Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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