So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
