my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
