In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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