When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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