I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
