It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
