Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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