I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
