I have demons in me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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