I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
