There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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