I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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