I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize