Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
