barbara walters just said penis...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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