i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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