The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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