So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
