My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
